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Reading Is For Sissies!Straight eye for the literary guy?by Sean Carter Currently, there is a big debate going on this country over homosexuality. In short, the debate is whether people are born gay or whether they “turn” gay after being married to the same person for too long. While I always suspected that the latter reason explained my growing crush on Jai from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," I was wrong. The true cause of homosexuality appears to be reading; at least, reading about gay characters. At least, this is the view of Alabama state representative Gerald Allen, who has introduced legislation that would ban novels with gay characters from state-sponsored libraries. Of course, in fairness to Allen, he isn’t the first person to make the connection between reading and homosexuality. My friend, Larry, had the same theory when we were in high school. Whenever I asked him if he had done his homework for English class, he would say, “I ain’t readin’ no Shakespeare. Reading is for sissies!” And I’ll be the first one to admit that, to this day, Larry is 100% man. He is also 100% illiterate. I suspect the same could be said for Alabama Rep. Gerald Allen. Yet, sadly, ignorance of the law has never been a barrier for those who make them. As a result, Allen has introduced a bill that is not only stupid, but also completely unworkable. Under his proposed bill, libraries could not use public funds for “the purchase of textbooks or library materials that recognize or promote homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle.” Under this proposed law, it would be pretty clear that a public library couldn’t order a title like Think and Grow Gay or Quiche for the Gay Soul. However, what about books that depict homosexual events, such as The Color Purple or Catcher in the Rye? Would libraries be banned from purchasing copies of these literary classics? The sad answer seems to be “yup.” Yet, never fear. Allen has the perfect solution on how to deal with these books. “I guess we dig a big hole and dump them in and bury them.” However, Allen’s zeal for making the library safe from the “homosexual agenda,” doesn’t stop at books with gay characters. Allen also wants to ban materials that recognize or promote a lifestyle or actions prohibited by the sodomy and sexual misconduct laws of Alabama. In other words, Allen wants to get rid of the rest of the books in the library as well. If you think that I’m exaggerating here, you’re right. In truth, the children’s section might be allowed to remain under Allen’s law. Yet, the rest of the library will be out of business faster than the Ron Artest Center for Peace and Tranquility. There are very few books in existence that don’t at least “recognize” actions prohibited by Alabama’s archaic laws regarding sex. Take, for instance, the Holy Bible. Many of its most revered heroes – Moses, David, Solomon, etc. – had more than one wife. Certainly, polygamy is against the law in Alabama. Should the Bible be dumped in a big hole and buried too? Of course not. Nor should any other book meet a similar fate simply because it contains gay characters. Remember, reading is fundamental; not fundamentalist. ________________________________ Sean is a practicing attorney who writes a weekly humor column on current legal events called "Lawpsided." Lawpsided pieces appear in a growing number of general circulation papers across the country, including The Los Angeles Times. Moreover, his musings on the law appear on nationally recognized websites, such as jewishworldreview.com, findlaw.com, newsmax.com and etherzone.com, and legal publications, such as The National Law Journal and The Los Angeles Daily Journal. Lastly, he is a regular contributor to national magazines like Razor and Tirade. If you would be interested in publishing this piece or seeing other samples of his work, please feel free to contact him by e-mail, by phone at (626) 786-2095, or through his website at:
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