Qualifications? She Don’t Need No Stinking Qualifications!

Why is Hillary considered a leader?

A recent Washington Post/ABC News poll reflected something surprising and not-so-surprising involving former First Lady and Democrat Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton. First, the not-so-surprising news: the poll showed she was supported by 53% of the people surveyed. Not unusual, considering she’s been in the public eye for going on 15 years. What is surprising is that, according to the poll, she leads her fellow nominees in every major policy issue.

Breaking it down by issue is even more mystifying. Her approval rating on handling health care is 66%. This from a woman whose first attempt to reform health care was more secretive than a CIA reunion at an adult book store. (Provided, of course, Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame aren’t on the guest list.) When it comes to voters who want strength and experience, people polled gave Hillary a 62% rating. Wait. Hillary has strength and experience being President? Considering who she’s married to, I might have to give that one to her.

Furthermore, 45% of the people who wanted new direction and new ideas said Hill was their gal. She was even seen as inspiring by 41% of the people polled. The first question I asked was what drugs these people polled were on. The second question? Where could I get some for this weekend?

Hillary’s image of being a leader and a visionary perplexed me more than when I tried to figure out the plot to “Eyes Wide Shut.” By just about every objective measurement, Hillary falls shorter than Mini Me’s attempts to set the long jump record in the Olympics. So, why is Hillary seen as a leader?

Because she’s a mom.

Growing up, my mom would ask me to do things that I didn’t want to do, like clean my room, wash the dishes, or mow the lawn. And being the precocious (read: pain in the butt) child I was, I would always ask “Why?” And eventually, my mom would end that line of questioning by saying in her “Mom Voice,” “Because I said so.” Hillary is the only woman in the Presidential race right now (if you discount John Edwards), and as a mother (and, no, I’m not missing a second word after “mother” here), she has the “Mom Voice.” Why is she an expert on foreign policy?

Because she said so.

Why is Hillary bringing experience to the table when she’s never held the job of President of the United States?

Because she said so.

Get the picture? It doesn’t matter whether Hillary’s accomplishments are as truthful as Al Gore’s claims during the 2000 election. The fact she says she’s done them makes it so to her and her followers. You know, that’s right on the borderline of being a religious cult. Once Hillary starts coming out in sequined pantsuits asking for money, then she’ll qualify.

But there’s a problem with this sort of approach. Eventually Hillary will be expected to do at least some of the things people believe she’s capable of doing. Then, all the belief in the world won’t make you competent. Remember the episode of “The Simpsons” where Homer stops a nuclear meltdown using Eenie Meenie Minie Mo? Unless Hillary is as good as she and her supporters say she is, we might see her using the same method to resolve international problems. And when we’re dealing with a group of people who want us dead merely because we’re Americans, we need someone who can do the job.

Granted, there is no training program prior to someone becoming President. Besides, seeing the leader of the most powerful country in the world wearing a paper Trainee hat just doesn’t get an Administration off on the right foot. Having said that, there are jobs, like being the Governor of a state, where basic skills that translate into daily tasks involved with the Presidency can be developed. Unfortunately for Hillary, being a former First Lady and a current Senator aren’t jobs that translate that well. One is more of an illusory role, one that doesn’t have a lot of power behind it and hasn’t for years, one that doesn’t require showing up every day to do. But enough about being a Senator.

Hillary has gotten away with being held to a lower standard than other candidates because she sounds and looks like she knows what she’s doing and nobody’s questioning it. But, with everything going on in the world today, we should be. We can’t let just anybody waltz into the Oval Office and start making decisions. If they did, I’d be President right now, and we don’t want that to happen.

Hillary has skated on reputation for long enough. It doesn’t matter how many people surveyed say she’s qualified to be President, I’m afraid I’m going to need a bit more evidence. But, Hill, I promise to give you the same consideration I gave to your husband…after I became a conservative Republican, that is.

And that’s the Bottom Line.

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