Less is Moore

Censorship or cents-orship?

by Thomas Lindaman
05/16/04

The entertainment and political worlds collided once more as Michael Moore’s new film “Fahrenheit 911” is making a splash at the Cannes Film Festival in France. But there seems to be a problem: no one wants to distribute the film. Miramax, which is owned by Disney, was going to be the distributor, but Disney CEO Michael Eisner pulled the plug on it, leaving Moore without a distributor for his film.

Disney and Miramax have an agreement where if Disney finds anything objectionable or potentially objectionable in a film Miramax produces, The Mouse can tell Miramax that they won’t distribute the film. It’s like a marriage where the husband can tell the wife to do something and she’s required by contract not to laugh at him.

This got Washington Democrats in an uproar bigger than the last thing they got in an uproar about (I think it was that John Kerry was the best they could come up with on short notice). New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg said that Disney’s move was part of a larger conspiracy, one that would require a special investigation into what he termed was a “disturbing pattern of politically based corporate censorship of the news media and the entertainment industry.”

Yeah, who could forget how “60 Minutes” refused to let Richard Clarke talk about his book Against All Enemies for a half hour?

Senator, let me save you some of your time and a lot of our money. There is no pattern, no mysterious figures lurking in the shadows pulling strings to get people to pull the latest anti-Bush screed from being mentioned on the nightly news. This situation was caused by two things: money, and self interest.

It’s rumored that one of the reasons Eisner told Miramax not to produce “Fahrenheit 911” was because he felt that it could jeopardize tax breaks for Disney’s property holdings in Florida. And who happens to be the Governor of Florida? It’s Jeb Bush, brother to President George W. Bush, the man who could order a tactical strike on EPCOT Center faster than he could say “nuclear.” After the Palm Beach County fiasco, Disney’s playing it smart and not taking any unnecessary chances. (I wish they would have been this cautious before they released “The Haunted Mansion.”)

And if the tax breaks go away, Disney loses money, which means they may have to raise prices. Losing the tax breaks would mean the entrance fee into Disneyworld would involve invasive surgery and you having to sign a contract waiving all rights to any organs Mickey and Donald think would bring in the most money. Oh, and you can’t sue them for malpractice because signing the contract automatically waives any claim you have for anything that goes wrong on the operating tables. This is what is known as the “Goofy clause.” Once you sign that contract and have the surgeons remove vital organs from you, you will be free to ride all the rides you want…after waiting 8 hours in line.

Seriously, documentaries aren’t usually a money-making venture, and last time I checked, Disney likes to make money. The overhead costs are low because you don’t have to pay for actors and sets. But, the return on said films is low…because documentaries don’t have big name stars or neat special effects to draw in the MTV-addled crowds. This means there is a relatively small audience who will even go see a documentary, let alone “Fahrenheit 911.” Out of those who would go see it, they’re either big Michael Moore fans, they’re true believers in what he’s “revealing” in this film, or they’re people who went to the theater and missed the first fifteen minutes of “New York Minute.” (After all, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movies are known for their subtle plot twists and deep philosophical questions like, “What if twin girls like the same boy?” You miss even a nanosecond of it, you’re lost. And by the way, that was sarcasm, kids.)

Put simply, Disney stands to lose a lot of money off “Fahrenheit 911” if it lets Miramax release it, and unless Moore can pull several hundred million dollars out of his sizable blue jeans, Disney won’t take that chance. See, Senator? It wasn’t some vast right wing conspiracy out to get Michael Moore by preventing him from releasing his anti-Bush movie. We’re above that sort of low partisanship.

Our conspiracy involves sending truckloads of Twinkies to his house with a note signed “Your Secret Admirer.”

And that’s the Bottom Line.