The Name Game

Whining and dining

by Thomas Lindaman
05/16/05

It’s been six months since George W. Bush won reelection and we’ve seen a lot of activity on the Democrats’ side of the aisle. The election of Howard Dean as DNC Chairman has sparked a new fire underneath Democrats and they’ve been busy. What have they done exactly? Have they started reaching out to independent voters? Not exactly. Have they started a search for strong, capable candidates for 2006? Try again. No, they’ve spent their new energy on…figuring out what names to call the President.

Whether it’s singing star and political advisor to nobody Barbra Streisand saying Bush is “worse than Hitler” or Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid calling Bush “a loser,” our good friends on the modern left are running around with name-calling as the best strategy they have. Just once I’d like to see a prominent Democrat within the DNC level with us on this. “Yes, my fellow Americans, our motto for 2006 is ‘Vote Democrat Because George W. Bush Is a Poopyhead! And Nana-Nana-Boo-Boo If You Don’t Agree!’” Then, we would know where they stood on important issues and could vote accordingly to make sure none of the nozzleheads who subscribe to this mantra get anywhere near public office.

Seriously, though, this is presenting a problem for Democrats because it doesn’t appeal to the average American. When somebody like me comes home from work and hears the Democrats are squabbling with President Bush, it’s not a big news story. We expect them to fight since they’re on opposite sides. (Given the President’s plans to increase funding to the Department of Education, though, I’d say they’re closer than we think.) But when the Democrats are sounding like kids on a playground saying “Bush has got a big butt/Cheney is an oil slut” we tune it out because a) we don’t like to hear adults sound like kids, and b) porn and pro wrestling are more entertaining.

And just like when we ignore a spoiled brat crying about something minor to get attention, today’s Democrats scream more loudly and get worse. The situation with Air America’s Randi Rhodes playing a clip where it’s suggested that the President should get shot is a prime example. As it turns out, this is the second time her show has featured something suggesting President Bush should be shot, and this time around it got attention. And now, I am fairly sure that sometime down the road another modern Democrat will pick up where Rhodes left off and we’ll hear about another case where someone advocated shooting the President.

I’m also sure that a good number of my Democrat readers out there are going to fire off angry emails to me about how Republicans did the same thing when Bill Clinton was President. (I know you’re out there. I can hear you seething.) And I will admit Republicans don’t have clean hands on this either, especially those of you who have “Run, Hillary, Run” bumper stickers on your front bumpers. For the most part, though, Republicans managed to keep their hatred of Bill and Hillary on the legal side of the protest line. Some of it, like calling Bill a pedophile for having Monica Lewinsky try her hand at dictation if you know what I mean, is downright silly and it doesn’t make the argument why Republicans were better choices for public office than Democrats were. (Just ask Bob Dole.) At that time, Democrats gave Republicans a well-deserved tsk-tsk for undermining the civility in this country. Then when Bush got into office, they did exactly what they had been chastising Republicans for doing for 8+ years, only worse.

And I’m here to tell you, kids, that it’s not going to work. All you’re doing is making it easier for Republicans to come off as classy, mature statesmen while making it tougher for you to get your candidate for Duluth, Minnesota, dog catcher elected. I know there are intelligent Democrats (and, no, that’s not an oxymoron, my Republican friends) who have real reasons to oppose the President’s plans and can articulate them quite well. The problem is you guys aren’t the ones controlling the party, nor are you making your voice heard within your own party. You need to start ramming people’s skulls together like Moe from the Three Stooges and say, “Listen, you silly, silly little people! We’re getting our asses handed to us by a C student from Yale and the best we can come up with is to call him a loser? At this rate, we’ll be lucky to come in third behind Strom Thurmond and Pat Paulsen and they’re both dead!”

The namecalling simply isn’t going to play well in Des Moines. (By the way, what is playing well is one-woman show starring Sarah Brady titled “Annie, Don’t Get Your Gun.” A heartwarming and funny musical in this pundit’s opinion.) Democrats need to come up with some ideas and not just for new names to call the President. If Bush’s plans are so bad, come up with alternatives and promote the hell out of them. If you think Bush’s plans aren’t bad, say so, or offer slight tweaks to the plans already out there. That will go a long way in making you look like viable, competent leaders and less like whining, crying babies.

Well, that and making sure John Kerry never gets within 100 yards of the Presidential nomination ever again.

And that’s the Bottom Line.

For permission to reprint this article, please contact us at editor@commonconservative.com